Theo
By MSN's Matt Ball
Last updated May 26 2006
Forget the media hype over Aaron Lennon, what every England fan wants to know is: how well did World Cup genius-in-the-making Theo Walcott perform?
Here is the story of Theo's evening. To make it (even more) interesting I've written it in the style of those slightly over the top live text commentaries you can get on some websites:
Half-time: So close! Theo warms up on the pitch but he does not come on as a substitute at the start of the second half.
61 minutes: It's Theo time! Theo comes on to a standing ovation. No pressure, then. People in the pub who are standing too close to me shout: "THE-O, THE-O."
65 minutes: Exciting! Theo kicks the ball beyond two defenders - will we get to see his much-lauded burst of speed? No we will not. The defenders close the space between them in a cynical ploy to block the Arsenal youngster. The Belorussian captain is booked.
66 minutes: Nice touch! Theo receives the ball from Peter Crouch and passes it.
67 minutes: Crunch! Theo receives the ball from Joe Cole and is tackled.
68 minutes: Hoof! A long ball hit in Theo's general direction is headed by an opposition defender. Theo does not compete for the header.
69 minutes: So close! Peter Crouch flicks the ball on. Theo runs...but a defender gets there first. Actually, it wasn't that close, Theo was nowhere near it.
71 minutes: So close again! Theo appears to be in the general vicinity of a Michael Carrick cross.
75 minutes: Always thinking! Joe Cole's shot is deflected past the post by the goalkeeper. Theo rushes towards the corner flag - is there a chance of a taking a quick corner? No, there is not. Someone else takes a slightly slower corner instead.
80 minutes: Ooh so close! Theo neatly controls the ball as it falls to him 25 yards out from a poor defensive header. His second touch is a sweet half-volley that sends the ball rocketing goalwards. The goalkeeper calmly raises his hands above his head and stops the shot.
85 minutes: Working hard! Theo miscontrols a pass from Michael Carrick and runs around a bit trying to get the ball back. He does not succeed.
86 minutes: Offside! Owen Hargreaves (yes, really) crosses the ball. Theo miscontrols it. The ball squirts forward to Jermain Defoe who is offside.
93 minutes: Great touch! Theo shakes hands with the referee and his two assistants.
110 minutes: Wow! Assessing Theo's performance on SkySports post-match wrap-up, former England and Crewe Alexandra midfielder David Platt says: "That will have done him the world of good. He started off nice and bright and then faded."
Analysis
Oh, hold on a minute there was actually a match, wasn't there? Let's see, ah yes - England B lost 2-1 to ten-man Belarus. Jermaine Jenas scored a goal that should have been disallowed for offside and he and his colleagues generally failed to pass the ball to one of their own team-mates, particularly when in good crossing positions. Substitute goalkeeper Robert Green lasted five minutes before a freak, cruel injury ruined his chances of going to the World Cup. Peter Crouch had a good game (yes, really) and received appreciative applause when he was substituted (yes, really).
A Scottish chap comes into the pub where I had been watching the match. "Belarus? Ten men? 2-1? Ha, ha, ha, ha..."
Fair comment.
And right on cue the English fans counter with: "And which World Cup group is Scotland in next month?"
An equally fair comment.
Poor Theo. He is carrying the hopes of a nation on his shoulders. Can he live up to the increasingly daunting level of the country's expectations? If you are an England fan you believe that somehow, just somehow, he can.
Last updated May 26 2006
Forget the media hype over Aaron Lennon, what every England fan wants to know is: how well did World Cup genius-in-the-making Theo Walcott perform?
Here is the story of Theo's evening. To make it (even more) interesting I've written it in the style of those slightly over the top live text commentaries you can get on some websites:
Half-time: So close! Theo warms up on the pitch but he does not come on as a substitute at the start of the second half.
61 minutes: It's Theo time! Theo comes on to a standing ovation. No pressure, then. People in the pub who are standing too close to me shout: "THE-O, THE-O."
65 minutes: Exciting! Theo kicks the ball beyond two defenders - will we get to see his much-lauded burst of speed? No we will not. The defenders close the space between them in a cynical ploy to block the Arsenal youngster. The Belorussian captain is booked.
66 minutes: Nice touch! Theo receives the ball from Peter Crouch and passes it.
67 minutes: Crunch! Theo receives the ball from Joe Cole and is tackled.
68 minutes: Hoof! A long ball hit in Theo's general direction is headed by an opposition defender. Theo does not compete for the header.
69 minutes: So close! Peter Crouch flicks the ball on. Theo runs...but a defender gets there first. Actually, it wasn't that close, Theo was nowhere near it.
71 minutes: So close again! Theo appears to be in the general vicinity of a Michael Carrick cross.
75 minutes: Always thinking! Joe Cole's shot is deflected past the post by the goalkeeper. Theo rushes towards the corner flag - is there a chance of a taking a quick corner? No, there is not. Someone else takes a slightly slower corner instead.
80 minutes: Ooh so close! Theo neatly controls the ball as it falls to him 25 yards out from a poor defensive header. His second touch is a sweet half-volley that sends the ball rocketing goalwards. The goalkeeper calmly raises his hands above his head and stops the shot.
85 minutes: Working hard! Theo miscontrols a pass from Michael Carrick and runs around a bit trying to get the ball back. He does not succeed.
86 minutes: Offside! Owen Hargreaves (yes, really) crosses the ball. Theo miscontrols it. The ball squirts forward to Jermain Defoe who is offside.
93 minutes: Great touch! Theo shakes hands with the referee and his two assistants.
110 minutes: Wow! Assessing Theo's performance on SkySports post-match wrap-up, former England and Crewe Alexandra midfielder David Platt says: "That will have done him the world of good. He started off nice and bright and then faded."
Analysis
Oh, hold on a minute there was actually a match, wasn't there? Let's see, ah yes - England B lost 2-1 to ten-man Belarus. Jermaine Jenas scored a goal that should have been disallowed for offside and he and his colleagues generally failed to pass the ball to one of their own team-mates, particularly when in good crossing positions. Substitute goalkeeper Robert Green lasted five minutes before a freak, cruel injury ruined his chances of going to the World Cup. Peter Crouch had a good game (yes, really) and received appreciative applause when he was substituted (yes, really).
A Scottish chap comes into the pub where I had been watching the match. "Belarus? Ten men? 2-1? Ha, ha, ha, ha..."
Fair comment.
And right on cue the English fans counter with: "And which World Cup group is Scotland in next month?"
An equally fair comment.
Poor Theo. He is carrying the hopes of a nation on his shoulders. Can he live up to the increasingly daunting level of the country's expectations? If you are an England fan you believe that somehow, just somehow, he can.
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